Welcome to Tinder Love & Care Need a moment of clarity? Class is in session

Sera Bozza

Kriti Gupta

This course has been created in collaboration with Kriti Gupta (Culturally Grounded Mental Health Advocate & Media Voice) & Sera Bozza (Evidence-Based Dating Coach and Tinder’s dating expert in Australia). It’s designed to help you feel more grounded, intentional, and emotionally aware while dating, but without losing your sense of self in the process.

Whether you're just getting back out there, deep in the dating trenches, or supporting a friend who is, Tinder Love & Care is here to support you on your dating journey.

Throughout the course, you'll hear from both Kriti and Sera, who’ve actually lived through the stuff we're talking about, who’ll share real-life scenarios and practical strategies that don’t sound like a textbook.

Together, we’ll unpack the often unspoken side of modern dating: how to protect your peace, explore what you want (even if it keeps changing), communicate clearly, bounce back from rejection, and support others.

By the end of this course, you’ll have a clearer sense of how to date — and relate — with more care. For yourself. For the people you meet. For the ones you walk away from.

We’re going to walk through four key areas, using text, videos, real-life examples and self-reflection prompts to help you figure out what care actually looks like in the way you date.

In this course, you’ll be exploring:

Protecting your peace

Understanding your limits, listening to your gut, setting boundaries, and learning to pause before you crash.

Dating in all directions

Exploring your sexuality, intimacy, communication, and what you actually want from dating (even when that changes).

Flags, Gut Feels & Ghosting

Spotting patterns, noticing red flags, building trust, and walking away with less damage.

Supporting Others

Being there for your people without burning yourself out.

It’s one thing to know what care looks like, it’s another to practice it in real time, in real conversations, with real people. That’s why we’re here. So let’s begin.

Protecting Your Peace Knowing your limits and keeping them - advice from Kriti Gupta

Boundaries, burnout, and emotional capacity

What does it actually mean to "look after yourself" while dating?

Dating should add to your life, not drain it. But when you’re already juggling work, friends, family, and your own mental health, it’s easy to lose track of what you actually need. Protecting your peace means knowing your limits, honouring your emotional capacity, and remembering that your self-worth doesn’t depend on someone else’s attention.

This module is about building the tools to:

Recognise dating fatigue before it hits burnout.

Set boundaries without guilt.

Prioritise your wellness without feeling “selfish”.

Regulate your nervous system when anxiety spikes.

Navigate body image, ghosting, and judgment in ways that don’t unravel your self-respect.

According to Tinder research¹, 95% of surveyed Aussies say wellness is important in their lives.

And 92% surveyed agree that self-love is key to a successful relationship. But what does that actually look like in practice, when your match is asking to hang out and you haven’t slept properly in three days? Or when your partner wants more closeness and you just want space?

This isn’t about being high maintenance. It’s about having maintenance. And learning how to listen to yourself before things unravel.

¹One Poll survey on behalf of Tinder for 1,000 Aussies aged 18-25 in July 2024.

Kriti Gupta answers your burning questions around Protecting Your Peace

I got ghosted by someone I liked. How do I know this won’t happen again?

You can’t prevent ghosting, but you can change your recovery time. Start setting emotional boundaries early on. Limit how much you fantasise before you actually know someone. Ask clear questions, look for consistency, and if they flake early on, don’t build a story around it. Just exit.

How can I make sure I’m putting myself first in a relationship without feeling guilty or selfish?

Reframe the guilt. Ask: "Is this guilt, or is this just unfamiliar self-respect?" Try using the "notice and name" method: when you feel guilt, name the need you’re honouring. E.g. "I need rest tonight" or "I need time to think before I commit." Practice holding that line.

How can I set healthy boundaries without pushing someone away?

Use the "soft start, firm close" approach. Start with vulnerability, then clarify the boundary: "I really like spending time with you, and I also need alone time to feel grounded. It’s not about you, it’s something I’ve learned I need."

I’m worried my partner doesn’t appreciate me. What should I do to feel more respected?

Use a behaviour-based check: Are they showing up? Noticing what matters to you? Taking initiative? Try this script: "I’m noticing that I don’t feel as appreciated lately. I don’t need grand gestures, but I do need to feel seen, even in small ways."

How can I navigate a long-distance relationship while still meeting my own needs?

Use the "connection vs contact" lens. You don’t need constant texting to stay close. Schedule check-ins, share calendars, and name your limits upfront. E.g. "I’ll be offline Thursday, but let’s put in a movie night for us on Friday." Distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection, but it does need a lot of clarity.

I need more space, but the person I'm dating wants more time together. How do I set boundaries around that?

Explain to them that space isn’t the opposite of intimacy; it’s actually what makes it possible. The right person won’t be threatened by your need for alone time. The wrong person, however, will take it personally. Try: "I care about you, and I’ve realised I need solo time to function well, it helps me feel like myself. It’s not me pushing you away, it’s how I make sure I stay present when we’re together."

How can I protect myself from dating burnout?

Schedule rest between social interactions. Limit the number of conversations you’re keeping up with. Notice if you’re going on dates out of guilt or momentum, rather than curiosity or genuine interest. You don’t need to be constantly "working" at dating. You’re allowed to take breaks. You don’t need to earn connection by pushing through exhaustion.

I recently went through a breakup. Is there a specific amount of time I should wait before dating again?

There’s no set timeline. But a useful check-in is: are you dating to connect, or to distract yourself? If the idea of being alone makes you panic, give it time. Try spending a week without seeking external validation — no apps, no flirty texts — and see what feelings come up. That’s your baseline.

I’m feeling insecure about my body. How do I stop it from affecting my relationship?

Start by identifying your triggers: is it compliments? Mirror time? Intimacy? Communicate them early. E.g. "I’m working on body stuff, if I deflect compliments, it’s not you." The goal isn’t to be fully confident, it’s to be honest about where you’re at.

How can I talk about my body image issues without scaring off my crush?

Keep it grounded. You don’t need to trauma-dump, just contextualise. "Hey, I’ve got some body image stuff I’m working through, so if I seem self-conscious sometimes, that’s why. I don’t expect you to fix it, I just wanted to let you know.".

I’ve just come out and don’t know how to navigate dating. What should I do?

Find your people. Follow queer creators. Join queer-specific spaces (apps, groups, events). Start slow. Stay curious. Give yourself permission to not have it all figured out. Your safety and comfort come first. Set boundaries early around disclosure. If you’re not ready to explain your identity 24/7, that’s valid. You don’t need to educate every match. Just focus on what feels right for you.

I’m not in the headspace for a relationship right now. How do I say that without being a buzzkill?

Try: "I like talking to you, but I’m not in the place to commit to anything right now, just being honest." You’re not responsible for managing someone’s disappointment. You are however responsible for your own honesty.

I’m scared of being judged for how many people I’ve slept with. What do I say?

You don’t have to say anything. But if you do, say it like it’s neutral, because it is. “This is my past. I’m not ashamed of it, and I don’t expect you to be either; however, if that is a problem for you, then this probably isn’t the right fit.”

How do I prioritise wellness while dating, without feeling like I’m being selfish?

Shift your framework. Ask: "Is this choice helping me show up better, or just helping me not feel guilty?" Wellness doesn’t compete with connection, it supports it. Schedule in recovery time like you would a date.

What does it look like to regulate your nervous system before a first date?

Try: cold water on your wrists, long exhale breathing, grounding objects (ring, necklace, etc), arriving 10 mins early, or listening to music that anchors you. You're not aiming to be calm, just to stay connected to yourself.

Can I still date if I’m in a mental health dip?

Yes, but only if dating isn’t becoming a coping mechanism that masks what you actually need. Ask yourself: is this connection adding support, or just distracting from what I’m avoiding? If you’re in active treatment or recovery, check in with your care team. What does safe connection look like for you right now? What are your emotional non-negotiables? Who’s your safety plan if dating triggers a crash? You’re allowed to want connection, but not at the cost of your stability. That comes first. Always

Whether you’re over it, easing back in, or actively trying to do better, this is the space to reflect on what dating does to your energy, and what it takes to protect it.

Dating In All Directions Saying what you want without flinching - advice from Sera Bozza

Dating’s never a straight line. It twists, you spiral, and it throws curveballs you didn’t see coming. One minute it’s butterflies and late-night texts, the next it’s mixed signals or wondering how to bring up intimacy without making it weird.

This module is about navigating dating’s different directions with honesty and confidence. Not by memorising “rules.” Rules don’t make dating easier; they just make it boring.

What matters is learning how to handle the messy, human middle ground where dating actually happens! The goal isn’t to get it perfect, it’s to get real.

Sera Bozza answers your questions around Dating in All Directions

I really like the person I’m seeing. How do I bring up making it official without it being awkward?

It’s easy to dodge this talk because rejection feels terrifying. But the only thing more awkward than having the “where is this going?” chat is not having it at all. Clarity is always less awkward than confusion. You don’t need a grand declaration; you just need curiosity. Try: “I’m really enjoying where this is going. How are you feeling about us?” That frames the conversation as exploration, not a trap. Your stomach will flip, but that’s not a sign to back off. That discomfort is the price of connection. Pay it now, or rack up interest in the form of anxiety, mixed signals, and wasted time.

I’ve never used a dating app before and I’m low-key nervous. Any tips?

Nerves mean you care. It’s your brain’s way of saying this matters! But any dating experience, especially using dating apps, isn’t a pass or fail test. They’re practise! Watch out for black-and-white thinking. It won’t be all bad or all good. Some matches will fizzle, some chats will flow, and some dates will catch you off guard in the best possible way. That mix is the point.

The upside of Tinder is that you control the pace. You choose when to match, when to reply, and when to meet in person. That control makes it easier to try, stumble, learn, and still feel secure. You’re signing up to test conversations, figure out what sparks, and get better at dating.

Here’s the shift: don’t make your first goal “find a partner.” Make it “learn how to date.” The partner comes later. The skill comes first. And if you treat the whole thing with curiosity instead of pressure, you’ll actually enjoy the process, and who you become in it!

I want to explore my sexuality and date outside my usual type. How do I even start?”

Sexuality isn’t a script you have to stick to forever. It’s a shifting mix of attractions and preferences that evolve as you do. Exploration starts with permission: giving yourself the freedom to try without demanding certainty about where it’ll lead.

The best way to start is with small, honest signals. You can select who you’re interested in and can use the relationship type profile badge or add to your bio: “I’m still figuring things out, but I’d like to explore.” That takes pressure off and naturally filters for people who can meet you with curiosity, not judgment.

And remember: exploration isn’t about proving the label. It’s about checking in with yourself and asking, Does this feel like me?

I’m curious about non-monogomy. How do I know if it’s right for me?

Start with why. Are you running toward something that excites you, or running away from something that scares you? Your motives matter.

If non-monogamy feels like an authentic fit for your values and desires, you’re more likely to thrive. If you’re using it to dodge intimacy or patch up problems in your current relationship, you’re signing up for chaos. And here’s the reality: non-monogamy isn’t about more freedom. It’s about more communication. If you’re not prepared to talk about feelings and boundaries often, and with honesty, you’ll burn out fast. The smart move is to start slow. Read, talk to people who live it, and try small steps. The foundation isn’t novelty or escape, it’s the unsexy stuff: boundaries, honesty, and more talking than you ever thought possible.

I've matched with someone who already has a partner. Is it worth seeing where it goes, or should I move on?

If they already have a primary partner, you’re automatically the side story. The real question is: do you want that role? It’s easy to romanticise what could be and fantasise about them “eventually choosing you.” But that’s just sunk-cost fallacy. You’re investing more because you’ve already started, not because the payoff exists. Flip the script. Don’t ask, “How do I manage expectations with them?” Ask, “What expectations do I have for myself?” If what you want (exclusivity, equal footing, emotional availability) isn’t on offer, no amount of managing will make it appear.

I’m not looking for monogamy right now. How do I say that without freaking people out?

Say it clearly. The awkwardness doesn’t come from the truth; it comes from dodging it. Try: “I’m not looking for monogamy right now. I like you and want to keep seeing you, but I also want the freedom to see others.” Some people will walk away. That’s not rejection, it’s alignment. You want them to make that call early, not after months of hidden expectations. The worst thing you can do is hide your intentions. It buys you short-term comfort, but guarantees long-term damage.

I’m in a non-monogamous relationship, but my friends don’t get it. Do I need to explain myself?”

You don’t owe your friends a justification, but you do owe yourself the freedom to live without apology. If their confusion turns into judgment, that’s about their worldview, not your worth. Still, a little context can help. Something like, “Non-monogamy works for me because it aligns with how I experience connection. You don’t have to get it, but I’d appreciate your support.” That frames it as a boundary, not a debate. The people who matter will adjust.

Is it ok to bring up sex on a first date? How do I do it without making it weird?

There’s no universal rule here. For some people, intimacy on a first date feels right. For others, it feels too soon. It’s not about what’s “okay.” It’s about whether both people actively want the same thing. Think of it as checking alignment, not making a move: “I would like to be intimate if you feel the same. How do you feel about that?” It keeps the vibe light while respecting their choice.

Think of it as comparing maps. If the answer is yes, great! You’re both in. If the answer is no, you’ve cleared the air without pressure. What matters is open, mutual agreement. Anything less isn’t consent.

I’m nervous about having sex for the first time. Any advice to make it less stressful?

Nerves don’t mean something’s wrong; they mean this matters! Anxiety is just your body saying, pay attention. The best antidote is honesty: “I’m a little nervous.” That single admission cuts the pressure in half, because now it’s shared instead of secret. Then stop focusing on performance. Focus on presence. Sex isn’t an audition, it’s a conversation. You’re supposed to laugh, stumble, and adjust. That fumbling isn’t failure; it is intimacy.

I want to try new things in bed but don’t know how to bring it up. What’s the best way?

Start outside the bedroom. It’s easier to talk about desires without adrenaline flooding the moment. Casual works best: “I’ve been thinking it could be fun to try [X]. What do you think?” And prepare to hear “no” without taking it as rejection. Just because someone isn’t into your idea doesn’t mean they’re not into you. The more you normalise these conversations, the easier it gets to explore with trust and consent.

How do I tell my partner what I like in bed without making them feel bad?”

Most partners want direction; they just don’t want to be judged. The key is to frame the feedback as expansion, not correction. For example: “I really like it when you do [X]. I’d love it if we tried more of [Y].” That highlights what’s already working while opening the door to more of what excites you. Intimacy is a skill. No one walks in fully trained. If you can talk about it with generosity instead of critique, feedback becomes connection, and that’s what makes sex better over time.

How do I bring up sexual health without killing the mood?

When you avoid it, your brain just drags the worry into the bedroom, and that kills the vibe way more. You have to frame it as care, not confrontation.

Try something like: “Before things go further, I want to make sure we’re on the same page about sexual health. I’d rather check in now than stress later.”

It shows confidence, maturity and it’s sexy! It’s attractive when you handle it like an adult. Clarity doesn’t kill the mood, anxiety does.

Where do I start with sexual health and contraception?

Think of sexual health like any other kind of health; it works better when you’re proactive! Start with the basics: what tests you’ve had, when you last got checked, and what contraception works for you. From there, you can set your own non-negotiables. Don’t rely on social media for answers. Use vetted, reliable resources like Health Direct, Jean Hailes, or your GP. They’ll give you clear, evidence-based advice on STI testing, contraception, and safer sex practices.

I’ve only been in one monogamous relationship. Do I really need an STI test?

Yes. STIs can be symptomless and show up in long-term relationships too. Regular testing is simply part of taking care of yourself, like going to the dentist or getting a skin check.

It’s not about shame, it’s about maintenance. Knowing your status means fewer doubts and more freedom. The whole point of sexual health is peace of mind. The more you know, the freer you are to actually enjoy yourself without second-guessing.

Being able to handle all of dating’s different directions comes down to one thing: tolerating the discomfort of saying what you want.

That’s the trade-off: some nerves now, for a dating life that feels like yours.

Every awkward conversation you dodge only adds to the confusion. Every one you face head-on builds the muscle you need in a healthy relationship.

Flags, Gut Feels and Ghosting The playbook for trusting yourself in modern dating with Sera Bozza

Dating isn’t just about butterflies and banter. It’s also about the signals, both subtle and screaming, that tell you whether to lean in or back away.

Sometimes your gut nails it, sometimes it spirals, and sometimes you ignore it until you’re knee-deep in red flags, wondering how you got there.

This module is about learning to tell the difference. To trust your instincts without letting fear run the show.

The goal isn’t to avoid every bad experience. That’s impossible. The goal is to stop doubting yourself, learn from what shows up, and move faster toward the people who can actually meet you.

Sera Bozza answers your questions around Flags, Gut Feels and Ghosting

My match made a mean comment about my body. Do I call them out or just unmatch?

If someone insults your body, they’re showing you who they are, not who you are. They’ve already told you everything you need to know. That’s not a red flag, that’s a neon exit sign flashing “not worth your time.”

The urge to clap back usually comes from wanting closure. Hoping that if you point out how cruel they were, they’ll magically get it. They won’t. People who weaponise your body for a cheap shot aren’t interested in growth.

The better move? Block, unmatch, report, and reclaim your peace. That’s not weakness, it’s strength. It’s you refusing to make someone else’s insecurity your problem. Their cruelty belongs to them. Your worth belongs to you.

It’s my first date ever. What red flags should I watch for?

If you go hunting for red flags, you’ll find them everywhere. Why not also look for green ones? Besides, the biggest red flag isn’t in their words, it’s in your body. Do you feel smaller, confused, uneasy or pressured? That’s a signal. Healthy attraction feels exciting, but it doesn’t shrink you.

Other signs: they trash-talk their exes, never ask you a single question, push your boundaries, or treat servers like they’re invisible. Those aren’t quirks, they’re previews. Red flags aren’t about snap judgments. They’re about listening when your gut whispers, “Something’s off,” before it gets louder!

How do I set boundaries with someone before we even meet?

Boundaries aren’t buzzkills. They’re filters for who actually deserves your time. The easiest way to set them is to state what you’re comfortable with up front. For example: “I prefer meeting in public first” or “I’d like to keep chatting here or do a video call before meeting up.” Boundaries fail when you wait until after someone crosses them to bring them up. State them early in your profile or in the chat, and you don’t just protect yourself, you also attract the people who respect you. Anyone who bristles at your boundaries is showing you they’re not safe to date. That’s the whole point of having them.

Flirting online is fun, but how do I make sure I’m not crossing a line?

Flirting works best when it’s collaborative, not one-sided. Think of flirting like improv: the golden rule is “yes, and.” If you’re both adding energy, it works. Consent is the ultimate turn-on because it signals that both people are genuinely into it and usually deepens the interaction. When in doubt, ask. A line like “Do you like when I talk to you this way?” or “Want me to keep going?” Clear, mutual, and leaves space for a 'yes' or a 'no'.

What’s the cleanest way to break up with someone without ghosting?”

Breakups always hurt. The only choice you get is whether you do it clean or messy. You can’t control their reaction, but what you can control is being clear, kind, and decisive.

Don’t ghost. Don’t drag it out. And don’t pad it with false hope. A respectful breakup sounds like: “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t feel a deeper connection here. I wanted to be upfront because I’ve really valued getting to know you.” It’s short, kind, and direct.

Worrying about “not hurting them” is usually just you trying to manage their feelings. That’s not your job. Your job is clarity with compassion. Their job is to handle their own disappointment.

I’ve been hurt before. How do I start trusting people again?”

Old wounds don’t vanish, but they do fade when you test them against new experiences. Trust isn’t built by finding the mythical perfect person. It’s built by taking small risks and seeing how someone responds. Think of it like the gym: you don’t bench 100 kilos on day one. You start lighter and build strength. Trust works the same way. What heals you isn’t finding someone who swears they’ll never hurt you. It’s proving to yourself you can risk again, and even if it hurts, you’ll handle it.

I deal with mental health stuff. Should I mention it on the first date or wait a bit?

The first date is a vibe check. You’re just seeing if you click and how you feel. The right time to share is once trust has started to build and you see potential for something ongoing. At that point, transparency isn’t oversharing; it’s intimacy.

Here’s the rule: share when it deepens connection, not just to offload. If you’re sharing to relieve your own anxiety, it’s probably too soon. If you’re sharing to build trust, it’s the right time.

Just saw my ex pop up on a dating app and it messed with me. How do I deal?”

Seeing an ex pop up can feel like a gut punch. What you’re feeling is ego mixed with loss aversion; the sense that something once yours is being “taken,” even though it isn’t anymore. Notice the story your brain is spinning. It’s not “they’ve moved on and I’m failing.” It’s “they’re living their life, and I’m still comparing.” And that comparison? That’s optional. The healthier reframe: Their profile isn’t proof that you’ve fallen behind. It’s proof that life keeps moving. Yours can too. Match, flirt, go on dates! Not to compete, but to remind yourself you’re moving forward as well. And if it stings too much, use the app’s tools to hide their profile. Protecting your peace isn’t weakness. It’s smart.

I’m into someone, but they’re worried we don’t have much in common. How do I know if we’re actually compatible?

If they’re already voicing doubts, take that seriously. Don’t cling to chemistry while ignoring compatibility. Attraction starts the fire, but compatibility keeps it burning. If you don’t have both, you’ll end up back here asking the same question. Compatibility isn’t about liking the same TV shows. It’s about whether your values, lifestyles, and emotional needs fit well enough to build something together. Shared interests are surface-level. Shared outlooks are structural. So ask yourself: Do you align with how you handle conflict? Do you both want similar things in the next few years? Do you feel emotionally safe with them? Those are the questions that predict whether attraction can turn into something lasting.

Conclusion:

Flags, gut feels, and ghosting all come down to this: trusting yourself. Your discomfort isn’t a flaw, it’s information!

Ignoring your needs doesn’t make you tougher. Listening to them makes you free. Every time you do, you get clearer, bolder, and closer to the kind of connection that feels natural instead of exhausting.

Dating isn’t about chasing people until they finally want you. It’s about noticing who feels good to be around, and choosing them!

Supporting Others Being there for others, without losing yourself, with Kriti Gupta

Supporting a friend through heartbreak or crisis can feel heavy. You want to be a good mate, but where’s the line between healthy helping and absorbing everything yourself? This module is about emotional support that’s sustainable: what it looks like to show up, listen well, and protect your own mental health at the same time.

We’ll cover:

How to support a friend through breakups and confidence dips.
Avoiding burnout and emotional labour overload.
Recognising when your help is actually enabling.
Supporting survivors with care and boundaries.
Knowing when to step back and encourage professional support.

According to Tinder research¹, 87% of surveyed Aussies say having supportive friends improves their overall wellbeing.

And 79% surveyed believe that boundaries are just as important in friendships as they are in dating. But what does that look like in practice, when your mate calls you every night at 2am, or when you’ve spotted something worrying and don’t know if you should step in?

This isn’t about doing everything for someone. It’s about doing the right things; listening without judgment, validating without fixing, and showing up in ways that are sustainable for you too.

¹One Poll survey on behalf of Tinder for 1,000 Aussies aged 18-25 in July 2024.

Kriti Gupta answers your questions around Supporting Others

I’ve noticed my friend’s confidence is low since their last breakup. How can I support them?

Don’t rush them to “get back out there.” Confidence doesn’t return through quick fixes, it rebuilds through small reminders of strength. Try: “I’ve seen how resilient you’ve been in other tough moments, that’s still who you are.” Focus on qualities, not just outcomes.

I’m worried my friend has stopped making an effort post-breakup. They used to love dressing up and taking care of themselves, any advice?

Loss can disrupt routine. Instead of commenting on appearance, invite them into gentle, shared activities: a walk, a coffee, or getting ready together for a low-pressure event. Behavioural activation theory shows that small, consistent actions can spark motivation over time.

I’m worried my friend jumped into a new relationship too quickly. Should I suggest they spend time single?

Rebounds aren’t automatically unhealthy. What matters is why. Use curiosity, not critique: “How are you feeling in this new relationship?” If it’s avoidance, it’ll show up. What they need is reflection, not shame.

I’ve seen my friend’s partner on Tinder. I’m worried they might be having an affair - should I confront them or tell my friend?

Pause first. What’s your intention, to protect, or to offload your discomfort? If you do share, keep it factual: “I came across this profile. I thought you’d want to know.” Then step back. Their choices are theirs.

I’m worried my friend is adopting unhealthy eating patterns after a breakup. How do I help?

Notice gently: “I’ve seen some changes in how you’re eating, are you okay?” Offer care, not policing. If it continues, encourage professional help and remind them they don’t have to go alone. Research shows that offering support in yourself as a resource (“Want me to go with you?”) works better than monitoring.

My friend keeps asking for advice but never takes it. What do I do?

Advice fatigue is real. Shift to curiosity: “Do you want advice right now, or do you just want me to listen?” That takes the pressure off you and puts agency back on them.

What if being the “go-to” friend for everyone is burning me out?

That’s emotional labour. Compassion fatigue can creep up without you noticing. Use the “oxygen mask” rule: you can’t support well if you’re depleted. Try: “I want to be there for you, but I need to recharge first, can we talk tomorrow?”

I’m supporting a friend who survived abuse. How do I avoid saying the wrong thing?

Prioritise safety and control. Don’t push for details. Believe them, validate them: “I’m so sorry this happened. I believe you. You didn’t deserve it.” Offer choices, not solutions: “Would you like me to sit with you, or help you find a resource?”

What if my friend refuses help, even when I know they’re struggling?

You can’t force readiness. Say: “I care about you, and I’ve noticed you’re not yourself. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” Sometimes consistency and being there with an open door is the best support.

When should I encourage professional help?

If their struggles are ongoing, worsening, or impacting safety, that’s beyond peer support. Frame it as care, not rejection: “I think talking to a professional could give you more tools. Want me to help you look, or come with you?”

My friend is isolating after their breakup. Should I push them to socialise?

Respect their pace, but keep the connection alive. Instead of “you need to come out,” try: “I’ll drop by with dinner, no pressure to talk.” Gentle, consistent presence helps prevent withdrawal from turning into loneliness.

Big Picture:

Good support doesn’t mean fixing everything. It means being steady, compassionate, and clear on your own limits. When you protect your energy, your care has more impact, and it lasts longer.